A very, very good man!

"I came from Pakistan with a dream...yes...to open the Dream Cafe and to serve tacos, moussaka and franks and beans. Then Jerry tells me: "Perhaps you might serve some dishes from your native Pakistan? As opposed to franks and beans for example. You would have the only authentic Pakistani restaurant in the whole neighborhood." So I close down and open a Pakistani restaurant. You see how I listened. I worked very hard, borrowed more money, and I did it, but nobody came! He say: "Make Pakistani, Babu Bhatt have only Pakistani restaurant." But where are people? You see people? Show me people. There are no people! So I follow another American custom: I sue him because he is a very very bad man. And Mr. Kardisch convinced Judge Vandelay that it was all Jerry's fault and I get back all of my money. Mr. Kardisch is a good man...a very, very good man!" Babu Bhatt, somewhere in Pakistan

No Debate

"Sincea Jerry's afriend starta the fight ina my restaurant about a topic...ona this there cannot be no debatea... I lose a lot of business....a lot of business, and I no canna controla myself when I'ma get excited. I hire thata lawyer, Bonnie Link to sue her....she'sa very good....very good...Now Poppie, e canna no longer makea the duck so succulent...so succulent...but he'sa very happy...very happy." Poppie

Yeah, That's Right.

"I sued my friend Jerry for telling people that I was a "grease monkey". Yeah that's right. I don't know too many monkeys who could take apart a fuel injector. (Although, I saw one once that could do sign language...Koko...That chimp’s alright. High Five...On the Flip Side)"

"Anyway, since he damaged my professional reputation, my lawyer, Josh H. Kardisch, Esq., got me a nice out-of-court settlement, which included Jerry having to buy a Saab from me and pay the additional overcharge and undercoating cost. And he negotiated my former girlfriend and I back into a relationship. I can't take her to Arby's more than once a month, but she can't read books at my softball games. Yeah that's right." Puddy

"A Festivus for the Rest of Us!"

KLA WINS A LOT OF MONEY IN RELIGIOUS DISCRIMINATION CASE!
In a case of first impression in the State of New York, the creative attorneys at KLA obtained a really big verdict for a man who claimed that his employer, "Kruger Industrial Smoothing", discriminated against him for celebrating the holiday of "Festivus". When the plaintiff brought an aluminum pole to work, his boss, Mr. "Kruger", didn't notice. When he aired his grievances over the company PA system, Mr. "Kruger" simply said: "Whatever." But when the plaintiff defeated him in the 'Feats of Strength", Mr. "Kruger" terminated his employment. Since the plaintiff never held a job for more than one year at a time, the jury awarded nothing for future lost earnings. But while the employer presented evidence that the plaintiff was a mental patient whose condition had been studied at the university level long before he came to "Kruger", the jury took pity and awarded beaucoup bucks for mental pain and suffering. In the spirit of the holiday of Festivus, KLA will donate its share of the settlement to "The Human Fund"", if it proves itself worthy.

HELLO!

"I found a perfectly good wallet in the trash one day and it had $200 in it. Who throws away a perfectly good wallet like this? Morty Seinfeld claimed that it was his. He's been taking advantage of me since we were kids. I went to Kardisch, Link & Associates, and they saved me a ton in legal fees by suggesting that we give the money to Nana who is on a VERY FIXED INCOME! HELLO!" Uncle Leo

For the Love of Banking

"I received a $75.00 ticket while speeding to the home of a friend who had threatened to kill himself. You see, my friend is an innocent person who wanted nothing more out of life than to love, to be loved and to be a banker, and he had just been rejected from the third bank (I believe it was the Manufacturer’s Hanover on Lexington and 40th Street). Josh Kardisch, Esq., cross-examined my friend for 7 hours and got him to admit that he was very fragile, that he hated his father for pushing him towards banking, and that it was eating, eating, eating at him inside. The Judge made me pay the fine anyway, but Kardisch Link was kind enough to take that amount off its $2,500 fee." Newman

Dead Fish & Seaweed

"After rejecting it, Calvin Klein stole my idea for a perfume that smells like the beach. Jackie Chiles, Esq., wanted nothing to do with me (you know, after I settled the hot coffee case for free lattes for life), but these guys took my case. Now, if New Yorkers smell like dead fish and seaweed, they have Kardisch, Link & Associates and me to thank for it." Kramer